Last Rites
by pepoluan
Summary: The thoughts of ALL remaining crews and some non-crews as they prepare to go through the Omega 4 Relay. Rated 'T' for some swearing and situations. Last Chapter is up – The One Who Loves Shepard The Most. Story is now Complete.
1. The Pilot

**INTRO: **This chapter takes place between Chapters 12 and 13 of my other story, "**_Explanations and Excuses_**".**  
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I *purposefully* use the present tense in this story. It gives this story more meaning. Past tenses are used only to indicate something happened in the past relative to what happens during the chapter's moment.

**NOTE ON CHARACTER CODES: **They change for each chapter, and the do not indicate any pairing; they only indicate _the most significant characters_ of the latest chapter.

**Another note: **This story (and all stories in FFnet, actually), looks best if width-limited to 600 pixels. See the post-chapter A/N on how.**  
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**Disclaimer: **Mass Effect, the Mass Effect Universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare. TEMPUR is a trademark of the Tempur-Pedic Corporation.

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**Last Rites**

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**Chapter 1: The Pilot**

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He has been berating himself for the crew's abduction.

Shepard had told him that the Normandy "is all yours."

But again, he had failed the commander.

Miranda's anger to him was, in his opinion, rightfully so. Although Jacob had defended him, and the XO later apologized for her outburst, he still feels... guilty.

Some say it's 'the survivor's guilt' —

No, no, no. He shakes his head. He must not think like that. They will rescue the rest of the crew.

They have to.

Time is of the essence, though. But then again, Shepard had wasted no time. Even the single mission before they begin their approach to the Omega 4 relay had been executed in record time. He surely hoped Shepard's decision to spare the heretic geth faction will not fire back.

And EDI... he still have some reservations on letting the AI have full control of his ship. It's necessary, he knows. Had he not done that, the ship would be lost. And he'll do whatever it takes to prevent him losing another Normandy.

Besides, it's unavoidable. There's no way 14 crews — Shepard and the squad plus himself — will be able to handle all operations of a ship this sophisticated. Like it or not, he needs her help.

_Wait._ Since when he started referring to EDI as 'her'?

"Jeff, I noticed you have been uncharacteristically quiet."

Joker smiles weakly. "I am still thinking of your words, 'I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees.'"

"That was a joke, Jeff."

"I know EDI, I know... but sometimes I can't help thinking the connotations of those words if you're a real woman. I keep imagining you as a woman in leather catsuit holding a whip."

A slight pause.

"Jeff, I think you have been watching too much porn on the extranet."

Jeff just shrugs.

"How long until we reach the relay?" he asks EDI, changing the subject.

"At our present speed, we will be in position to activate the relay in approximately 2 hours and 20 minutes."

Another silent pause.

Jeff thinks about what he had been doing in preparation for the Omega 4 relay jump. He had been going through the status of the ship's myriad systems with EDI. Then they went over them again. Then again for good measure.

All systems are in good condition. Minor problems were found, but nothing that they couldn't fix - with the help of the squadmembers.

All of them had pitched in to help preparing for a mission they might not come back from.

"Jeff, you should take some rest. I'll need you to steer the ship when I'm focusing on the other systems."

"Why? Aren't you capable of doing everything?"

"Most likely I will have to hack into the Collector Base's system and perform analysis on its database, finding its weaknesses to disable it completely. That may take a significant amount of my processing power."

Joker nods. But he continues staring at his console.

"Jeff, please take some rest."

"I can't sleep. I don't want to sleep. I don't want another nightmare of losing another Normandy."

"The Normandy is my body. You will not lose me."

"That's a promise?"

"That's a promise. You will bring me back, Jeff. I know you will. Now please take some rest. I will wake you up when we reach the relay."

Somehow EDI's words manage to calm him greatly. Within minutes, he's sleeping soundly on his TEMPUR-padded chair.

"I will not lose you also, Jeff," EDI softly speaks after she ensures that Joker has fallen asleep.

And the Normandy cruises in silence through FTL hyperspace, under the guard of the galaxy's best pilot and the galaxy's most advanced AI, both at peace and understanding with each other.

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**Author's Note:** It's short, I know. Only 600 words of the story proper. Had planned on writing a 1000-word chapter, but decided to pare it down. Feels better this way, IMO.

Please leave a review anyway, dear readers :)

**How to limit the width of FFnet stories (for Firefox):  
**• Install the "**Stylish**" add on, restart Firefox  
• Go to the **userscripts dot org** site  
• Install the style "**Fanfiction .net - Limit story width**" (created by yours truly)

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_**Edit 01:**__ Minor title decoration fix. Miscounted the crew._

_**Edit 02:**__ Added 'Note on Character Codes', and 'Note on best view'_

_**Edit 03:** Added INTRO, telling the readers that this story takes place between Ch. 12 & 13 of "E&E"_


	2. The Veteran

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect, its universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.**

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**Last Rites  
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**Chapter 2: The Veteran  
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He has no plan to die. Or, to be precise, he has a plan to *not* die.

Not yet. He still has a score to settle with his nemesis.

And no bloody Collector will stop him from settling that score.

Granted, the goddamn Collectors did score a powerful shit; abducting the crew for god-knows-what rendered Normandy almost crippled.

Ironic that a cripple turned the table around and prevented Normandy from getting crippled.

He has to admit: The crippled pilot has guts.

Another thing that ensures his commitment to this so-called Suicide Mission is another commitment. More specifically, his contract.

Cerberus had transferred him a very significant advance payment. Whenever anyone made good with such sizable advance payment, he always commits himself, heart and soul, to the contract. And he expects to collect the rest of the payment.

All he has to do is to keep the commander alive. That's part of the bargain.

And he will very much like that to happen as well.

He gently runs his finger over his Jessie, as he recalled what happened just a few hours ago.

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The squad had returned from the Heretic Station to the Normandy, badly cut and bruised. Or something similar for the geth. Miranda was immediately handled by Mordin. Legion was undertaken by Tali. He handled the commander.

Shepard had winced when he slapped medi-gel over the commander's wounds.

"Still angry with me, Zaeed?" Shepard had asked.

"Eh? Oh, no, commander," as he slapped medi-gel on the next cut, making Shepard wince again. "Field habit. Sorry. When in the battlefield, you don't have time for bloody hospitality."

Shepard just nodded. "I hope you can concentrate when we reach the collector base."

"No worries there," he had said off-handedly as he scanned for more open wound. _There._ He slapped more medi-gel the wound. "I *will* come back, alive and well. I got Vido's arse to kick all the way down to hell. And you better be keeping your goddamn promise."

"I am a man of my word, Zaeed. As long as you don't put innocents in harm's way, I'll support you."

Zaeed nodded. "I believe you. Especially since you are now fully a Cerberus, inside and out. They always make good on their promises to me."

Shepard grimaced as the medi-gels started to do its magic, making his wounds and cuts and bruises heal very quickly. Then Shepard did something surprising. He extended his hand to Zaeed.

"We have a deal?"

Zaeed looked at the extended hand for awhile as if looking at a cobra ready to strike, before gripping that hand and shaking it vigorously.

"We have a deal, commander. I'll keep watch over your and little Miss Vixen's arses, and we go back together to give Vido his lesson of a lifetime."

Shepard mock-glared at him. "Not watching that close, I hope, Massani," and they laughed together.

So there they were. Two comrades-in-arms reaching a deal with each other.

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Zaeed snaps back to the present, still absent-mindedly running his hand repeatedly over Jessie.

He still haven't made up his mind on his retirement plan. Besides killing Vido, that is.

With all the moolah he'll receive from The Illusive Man, he can easily start a new mercenary outfit. But the fire that drove him countless years ago is no longer there. Bekenstein has been one of his considerations, but then again, he does not like a sedentary life.

He sighs and glances at his omni-tool. He notices he still has a couple of hours to kill before they reach the Omega 4 relay. He decides to take a nap.

As he drifts off to sleep, he wonders if Shepard's decision to be romantically involved with 'Miss Vixen' is right. But, truth be told, no matter how seemingly incompatible the pair of lovers are, he is secretly envious of the commander.

When all this crap stuff is done with, Shepard will have someone to return to.

He has no one.

Shit.

He suddenly realized why he can't 'just retire'.

Hmmmm... His plan of ramming Omega station with a ship full of explosives now sounds much more interesting.

Going out with a bang. Yeah.

He sleeps with a smile on his face.

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**Author's Notes:** I hope I haven't written my Zaeed too out-of-character.

Zaeed's suicide plan is taken from the Shadow Broker's dossier (Lair of the Shadow Broker DLC).

Next chapter... um, not sure. Tell me who you like to see!

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_**Edit 01:** Minor fix in title decoration. Add spacers between flashback and present._


	3. The Soldier

**A/N: Awww you guys... I'm saving Tali for last... well, 1 or 2 before last; the last will be Shepard, of course. So I guess Mordin's up next.**

**This chapter, though, was almost complete when your reviews came in. So, I decided to publish this one first. I promise, Mordin will be in the next chapter.**

_Note: This chapter has been edited. Edit log is at the end._**  
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**Disclaimer: Mass Effect, its universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.**

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**Last Rites  
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**Chapter 3: The Soldier  
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He's standing in front of his worktable. Just finishing up on ensuring that all weapons are loaded and ready to use.

Ungood to barge into the Collectors' stronghold without ample firepower.

The rest of the squad members had earlier provided him with a list of weapons they planned on using. He had checked them all. Quadruple-checked, even. And he also double-checked all weapons not requested. Just in case.

If they failed the mission, it will *not* be caused by a jammed weapon. That will be double-ungood.

And he has just quintuple-checked a modded M-15 Vindicator. He had modified its inertial dampener to lower an already low recoil into something obscenely trivial.

So recoil-less, a girl can wield. Or, for that matter, a man with brittle bones.

His mind drifts back to his encounter with Joker several hours ago, just after Shepard and team left.

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He was returning from the loo, to find Joker leaning on the bulkhead beside the entrance to the armory. When Joker saw him approach, Joker nodded at him.

"Hi, Joker. Wassup?"

"Oh... uh...," Joker looked mightily uncomfortable. "On the debriefing... uh... thanks for speaking up for me."

"Don't mention it, bro. You've done well back there. It's totally not your fault. And please don't hate Miranda. She was very shocked, and inadvertently snapped. She's the XO, after all. You know, all the responsibilities stuffs. And paperworks."

"Okay... but, um, that's not exactly what I am here for."

Jacob raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Joker took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. Definitely trying to calm himself.

"I've been thinking... and please don't laugh at me... but I *have* decided... I... I've made up my mind..."

It was evident to Jacob that Joker was struggling mightily, so he tried to calm the pilot down.

"Relax, bro. Your secrets are safe with me. I *do* hope you ain't gonna say you have feelings for me, though. Because if you do that, I'll scream. Swear to God, I'll scream."

Joker laughed. But Jacob's joke did the trick; the pilot was visibly relaxed afterwards.

"I don't think I will ever fall for a guy who knows a thousand ways to kill someone. And still be nice afterwards. Too creepy."

This time, Jacob laughed. "Actually, it's one thousand and fifty-three," he winked, then continued, "Okay. Now what was it you wanted to say, then?" he asked, smiling.

"Um... do you have a weapon suitable for me?"

Jacob's smile immediately vanished. He narrowed his eyes, suspicious of the pilot's intentions.

"Wait. Wait. Look, what happened, the crew's abduction, is *totally* not your fault, okay? Don't blame yourself too hard, Joker," said Jacob, lifting two hands to calm the pilot, ready to stop him from doing anything stupid.

"What the... Good grief! I'm not planning a suicide, Jacob! Geez!"

"Ow," Jacob blurted, looking visibly relaxed. "Okay. But... what do you need a firearm for?"

"Well," Joker wrung his hands, "I just felt... vulnerable. Especially since now we're entering their lair."

Jacob nodded. "Okay, I understand. Let's see what I can cook up for you."

"Thanks, pal. I owe you one," said Joker, slapping the weaponmaster's shoulder. "Back to the cockpit, then. Just tell me when you find one. I'll pick it up here."

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Jacob's eyes scan over the Vindicator.

Yup. Mondo inertial dampener. Awesome tracking scope. And wayzkool ammo modifiers suitable for fighting the collectors.

He sends a message to the pilot. _**Your rifle is in locker 20. Pick it up when you have the time**__._

Jacob stretches his arms. His preparations are done.

If they won't come back from this mission, at least they die fighting.

He turns off the lights of the armory, and goes to the crew's quarters for a nap.

As he shuts his eyes, one last thought crosses his mind.

Nothing is more glorious than dying in battle.

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**Author's Note:** Please leave a review! And while at it, try to guess who will appear in the chapter after the next chapter :)

By the way, I've just published Chapter 12 of my *other* ongoing story, "Explanations and Excuses." Have you read it? :D ... This whole story is actually a spinoff of that Chapter ;)

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_**Edit 01:** Gee, I completely forgot to put in my usual title decorations and spacers. Fixed. Also some minor error-fixings (dropped word here, italicize there). The chapter proper is not changed._

_**Edit 02:** Minor fix in title decoration. Add spacers between flashback and present.  
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	4. The Professor

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, Real Life™ is bee-yotch. Hectic work. Hectic schedule. Hectic everything.**

**_WARNING! This is a work of fiction. DO NOT attempt to actually cure a stasis using Dimethylethanolamine! If you suspect you find case of stasis, please contact professional medical services!_  
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**Disclaimer: Mass Effect, its universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.**

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**Last Rites  
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**Chapter 4: The Professor  
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He takes a breath.

The commander had suggested that everyone take some rest while the Normandy's en route to the Omega 4 relay.

He had taken his rest. For him, a 1-hour nap is enough. More than enough.

He had better things to do.

_Chemical analysis indicates stasis canceled by presence of Dimethylethanolamine in blood. Human physiological response to Dimethylethanolamine minimum. Must mass-produce for direct carotid artery injection._

He takes a breath.

Miranda had asked him for an antidote to the seeker-induced stasis, just in case the crews are still in stasis if they find them.

No, *when* they find them.

_Must also prepare anti-anxiety medication. Crew might be in trauma. Adrenaline shots. Stimulants. Saline solutions if dehydrated. Fortunate, all crew members are human. No need to plan for species compatibility._

He takes a breath.

He glanced at the molecular sequencer, already beginning to produce dimethylethanolamine in copious amounts. He briskly walks to the storage closets in the lab. He retrieves some syringes and medicine cartridges, and deposits them in the sterilizer.

As he waits for the sterilizer to finish its job, his mind wanders to his earlier conversation with Samara.

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Shepard had informed the crew that if they need to 'mentally prepare' by 'relaxing their minds', Samara and Thane had volunteered to guide. He had chosen to visit Samara. Visiting Thane would only distract him as he would undoubtedly be thinking of genetic treatment for the ailing drell.

So, he visited the Starboard Observation deck. He locked the door after he entered.

"Professor Solus. Quite unexpected to see you here. I never thought you're a person that's into meditation," Samara greeted him calmly without even glancing at the salarian. "Here, sit beside me."

Mordin lowered himself to the floor, assuming the cross-legged posture of the asari.

"I can sense something weighing your mind."

Mordin took a sharp intake of breath. "No, no fear of death. In next cycle of life, will come back, and do better."

Samara nodded, understanding the reincarnation belief of the salarians. "Then, what have been bothering you, professor?"

Mordin took another breath. A deep one, this time. "Have been wondering. This ... suicide mission. Suicide? Maybe absolution for sins I committed."

Samara glanced at the professor. Before she managed to say anything, Mordin continued.

"But the Reapers. Still out there. If I die..." Mordin took another deep breath. "The Reapers. So technologically advanced. Will need ingenuity. Research. Technological breakthroughs. Conventional weapons? Not enough."

Samara just watched him as he poured out all thoughts that had been distracting him.

"Last decade of my life. Want to give a legacy. A heroic deed. Saving the galaxy, but not at the cost any another race. Except the Reapers," Mordin paused, his mind went distant for awhile.

"Pity if all species must die. The universe needs variety. Very well then. Do not die. Give hand to help abducted crews, and survive the Collector confrontation," Mordin added. Then he shook his head and said, "No, no. Self-justifying, not acceptable. Totally irresponsible."

Mordin suddenly stood up and turned toward the door. While unlocking the door, he muttered, "Must pay the price of my iniquities. Death is not unwelcome."

Suddenly Samara called out, "Professor Solus."

Mordin stopped and turned around.

"What you did... it might seem horrible to some. But you did not kill the innocents. Instead, not only have you saved all non-krogans, you also saved the krogans from certain extinction due to infighting and resources running out.

"You made sure that the genophage was not absolute. That it was not genocide. Even at great personal cost. Others would not care less. But you... you have a kindred soul.

"Now go, and embrace your peace, for you have not committed injustice."

Mordin blinked. He glanced at the asari, who seemed to have returned to her meditation. Something resembling a smile appeared on his visage.

"Thank you, justicar," he replied, before going back to his lab.

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He takes a breath.

He opens his eyes. The sterilizer is still not done. 1 minute more.

Yet he is at peace.

If he survives, he'll be looking forward to fighting the Reapers with technology.

But if death comes, he will embrace it.

He will hold the line. No matter the cost.

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**Author's Notes: **I hope I did not write Mordin too OOC-ly. He's a difficult character to flesh out, especially since he rarely makes a significant appearance in fanfics, so I don't have much 'role model' to base my portrayal from.

If you also subscribe to "_Explanations and Excuses_", don't worry; I'm still working on that. But the chapter-in-progress is a real doozy. That, and Real Life™, practically delays the next chapter of that to, let's say, Tuesday?

Next chapter: Death wish of a dying man.

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**_Edit 01:_**_ Minor fix in title decorations. Add spacers between flashback and present._


	5. The Assassin

**A/N: This chapter is a bit long-ish. Sorry. No getting around Thane's eidetic memory :)**

**# Tip: If you use Firefox, get the extension "Stylish", then get the style "FanFiction. Net – Limit Story Width" by yours truly ;) #  
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**Disclaimer: Mass Effect, its universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.**

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**Last Rites  
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**Chapter 5: The Assassin  
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He is standing in front of the window overlooking the drive core. He takes a deep breath. Some of the crews have visited him and meditated with him. All good people wishing to find comfort, clarity, and conviction.

He himself has found his comfort, clarity, and conviction.

His comfort is thanks to all the missions, the activities, and the regular checks by Dr. Chakwas (and sometimes by Dr. Solus). His disease seems to be plateauing.

His clarity is that he has no illusion he will be cured within his lifetime. But he is at peace with that. He is at the last mental stage of people with fatal diseases: acceptance.

That leads to his conviction, that he wishes he had done the best he could for the others to reach the same stage. Especially for one certain human.

As he recalled his earlier encounter, he slips into solipsism.

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I was sitting in my room when the door annunciator chimed. "Come in," I said.

The door opened, and to my surprise, it was Shepard.

"Got a minute, Thane?" he asked with friendliness.

Friend. That's what I hadn't had for a very long time prior to meeting him. Acquaintances yes, but friend... Shepard was more than a commanding officer. More than just a compatriot or comrade-in-arms. He was, and always would be, a true friend.

"Of course," I replied, gesturing to an empty seat in front of me.

He walked in, and made himself comfortable in the seat.

"Fancy seeing you here, Shepard. I thought you have your own meditation regiment. Remember when I asked you about those," I paused awhile, trying to recall the name. Ah yes. "Rosary beads? You said they help you contemplate and meditate."

He smiled. "Your eidetic memory never cease to amaze me, Thane."

I just shrugged, and smiled back.

"Actually, I did not come here to meditate."

I tilted my head. "Oh?"

"I'm… just checking up on you, pal. You holding up for this… so-called Suicide Mission?"

I paused. "As best as I can do, Shepard. But I am ready if Kalihira picks me up and delivers me across the sea."

Shepard's smile faded slightly, when he heard my statement. So I added, "Not that I am wishing to die in the mission, Shepard. I promise I'll definitely do my best to support you to the end of the mission."

Shepard nodded.

"Unfortunately, as you must've been aware, I don't think I will last long enough to see a cure to my disease. It's currently hold in check, but two months from now? Three months? Kalihira knows. If it's any consolation, I look forward to that day when I will again be reunited with my Irikah."

A somber mood befell us, broken only when Shepard spoke softly, "I wish I have someone who I can love as much as you love yours…"

I tilted my head. "But you do. You have your own Siha."

Shepard looked at me with puzzled expression.

"Ah, I am sorry. Siha is one of Goddess Arashu's warrior-angels. Fierce in wrath. A tenacious protector. An apt analogy for her."

Shepard avoided my gaze. "I… I don't know…" He let his voice trail off, twiddling his fingers, and dropped his head.

I dragged my chair closer, and rested my right hand on his shoulder. As I leaned forward toward him, I said, "Trust me, Shepard. She loves you and would gladly give her life for you. And I'm sure you would do the same for her. You love her. Give her a chance."

Shepard kept staring at the floor. "I… What if we don't make it through this mission? What if I lose her? What… what would I…"

I gently squeezed his shoulder. "Shepard, what drove me through my darkest years, was my burning love for Irikah. You owe it to her, and to yourself, to admit and confess that you both love each other. Let that love be the burning passion that drove the both of you to finish – and survive – this mission."

Shepard collected himself as he took a deep breath. He lifted his head and looked into my eyes. It was striking.

I saw a lonely tortured soul, a soul so starving of a companion, so desiring of someone to share life's burdens… yet afraid of committing himself, afraid that he would lose her…

It pained my heart.

"Trust me, Shepard."

Shepard took another deep breath. Suddenly, he lifted his hands and rubbed his eyes. "Sorry. Dust got into my eyes." He quickly rose and walked to the door. As he opened the door, he said to me, "Thanks for your time, Thane."

I just nodded. But before he left the room for good, I called out.

"Shepard, just promise me you'll give her a chance… and if I don't make it, please take Kolyat under your wings. Both of you."

Shepard nodded and left.

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Thane snaps back to the present. The solipsism he just experienced is not sad, but nor is it happy.

It is a moving one.

It moves him to clasp his hands in prayer.

_Amonkira, lord of hunters. Grant us tonight the strength to strike at our prey with precision and haste. Let our actions represent your fearsome power._

_Arashu, goddess of motherhood and protection. Grant us your blessing, for tonight we will fight for the salvation of humanity and the galaxy. Also protect the crews who were taken forcibly from us, let them not be harmed._

_Kalahira, goddess of oceans and the afterlife. Should tonight be the night that our soul embraces the deep, forgive us of our sins._

He pauses awhile, before adding to his prayer.

_But please spare Shepard and his Siha the call of the ocean._

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**Author's Note:** After writing 3 consecutive chapters of death wishes, I decided that I would write something not-too-death-wish-y for a change. So, sorry for the wrong 'trailer' in the prior chapter.

Thane's prayer was kindly provided by **LuxDragon**; it's an adaptation of a prayer in Chapter 22 of his story, "_**Fight for the Lost**_" (story ID **5750868**). You *really* should read that story if you want to see a master storyteller's story :)

Finally, there's a tribute to LucasArts' LOOM; see if you can find it ;)

**Next up:** A lady's soliloquy. Which lady? Guess ;)

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	6. The Convict

**A/N: Short-ish chapter. Had the idea as soon as I wrap up Thane's chapter. Planned to upload yesterday, but something came up, so I just uploaded now.  
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**# _Tip: This story looks best when viewed no wider than 600 pixels. See the tip in the previous chapter for the how :)_ #**

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect, its universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.**

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**Last Rites  
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**Chapter 6: The Convict  
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She throws herself on her cot.

She tries to blank out everything around her.

No good. Blanking is not what she's adept with. Raging, yes. Blanking, no.

But she knows better than to rage in a ship of allies. No matter how involuntary or freakish they are.

She smirks as she recalls what happened earlier in the cargo bay.

·

She had entered the cargo bay trying to work out her frustration.

Working out was never her idea of 'letting off steam'. Heck, she usually 'let off steam' by just blasting somebody's head off with her biotics. But then again, it was Shepard that suggested it to her, so she tried to comply.

It helped that out of the myriads of males she ever encountered, Shepard had been the only one to treat her with respect. Not out of fear, not out of the desire to fuck her, but respect.

She would've called him wimpy if she hadn't seen firsthand how he could be more dangerous in battle than a pack of starving varren accompanied by a school of vorchas led by a group of krogans. Especially when such battle involved her. She had even lusted for the commander, knowing he's more than an equal for her.

But she couldn't have him. He's taken. Yeah, he wasn't like announcing it to everybody, but she can see it from his body language whenever _that girl_ was nearby.

That, and the possibility that she wouldn't make it back from 'the other side', frustrated her greatly.

She barged into the cargo bay. And surprised to see that she's not alone.

"Nothing beats a good session of pumping iron to work yerself up, eh, Jack?"

"Shut up, Massani!" she snapped, trying to ignore the old merc doing benchpresses. Without shirts. Only in his shorts.

Zaeed just chuckled. And grunted as he finished his benchpresses. Then he sat up.

Jack couldn't help but actually admire the former Blue Suns leader's body. Despite his age, his body was not flabby. Not at all. All sinewy well-trained muscles in the right places. And scars. Lots of them.

Her gaze was not lost on Zaeed. "Souvenirs of my battles," he said as he stood up, flexing some muscles.

Jack licked her lips. Making up her mind, she swayed toward Zaeed. There's one muscle she became interested in. "Manly, aren't you? Man enough to 'work out' with me?" she said, innuendo dripping thick like honey off a stalk. And just to make her intentions clear, as she approached him she began unbuttoning her vest.

Heck. Fucking is a physical activity, so it should count as a work-out, right?

Zaeed smirked. "Man enough to 'exercise' you out plus all vixens currently in the bloody ship," he said as he grabbed her waist and pulls her toward him, pressing her partially covered breast (if you consider some leather straps to be a covering) to his bare chest.

They mashed their lips together.

It was a fast and furious fuck.

·

Jack opens her eyes. She can still smell some of Zaeed's musky scent on her.

She smirks. She now has three reasons to survive this mission.

She still has a score to settle with whoever responsible for her past, Cerberus or not.

She also has a score to settle with Zaeed; orgasming three times before he climaxed is considered 'losing' in her book. Although truthfully she doesn't mind losing _again._

It helped that she fantasized Zaeed as Shepard.

That's reason number three. To turn her fantasy of being taken by the commander to reality.

To hell with his girlfriend; she wanted to taste his body.

She smiled, closed her eyes, and before long, fell into a blissful, fantasy-filled sleep.

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**Author's Notes:** Um, that wasn't too explicit that I must uprate this to 'M', was it?

About Jack: Again I have no good role models for her story. So I took the easy way out and just portray her as this lust-filled woman *hangs head in shame*

Well, that, and I wanted to write an almost-smut :P

Jack 'having the hots' for Shepard was inspired by Chapter 13 of **LuxDragon**'s awesome "_**Fight for the Lost**_" (story ID **5750868**). Go read that story! That is an order!

Finally, there's a poll in my profile on whether you'll be interested in Shepard's life as a Cerberus Officer. Have a go at it ;)

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**Next chapter:** Another lady makes an appearance. Guess who? ;)

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	7. The Justicar

**A/N: Sorry for the lateness in updating. Not only this chapter – even if it's short-ish – was very difficult to write (more than 10 draft versions! A personal record!), but also Real Life™ threw me a curveball that totally wrecked my creativity flow.**

**# Tip: This story – and all others in FFnet – looks *mighty* better if limited to 600 pixels wide. How? See post-chapter A/N #**

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect, its universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.**

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**Last Rites  
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**Chapter 7: The Justicar  
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She gently extinguishes the orb of biotic energy between her hands as she opens her eyes.

_Four hundred years I have pursued her._

She slowly stands up and walks toward the window.

_And finally it is over. Now I can continue my life._

She leans forward on the railing.

_As a justicar I shall punish all who committed injustice._

She closes her eyes.

_But I shall also fulfill my promise._

·

Someone knocked the door to the Starboard Observation.

"Come in, Officer Lawson," Samara answered while still being seated on the floor.

Miranda entered, trying hard to hide her surprise, although her voice betrayed her perplexity. "How do you know it was me?"

Samara smiled as she stood up. "All biotics have unique field patterns. When one has lived for more than 6 centuries, one learns how to identify them. Please, have a seat," she said, gesturing politely to the sofa.

After they seated themselves, Samara continued, "You did not come here to meditate, I can sense your mind. What could I do for you, Miss Lawson?"

Miranda mulled over her thoughts for awhile, before replying. "Justicar, I'd like to ask you a question: if we make it alive out of this mission, would you return to your previous life, following the codes of the justicars?"

Samara tilted her head, wondering where Miranda's question going to lead. "Miss Lawson, my Oath of Subsumation binds me to Commander Shepard. Only he can release me from my oath. Until he does so, I shall proclaim my loyalty for him."

"What about the people that he had killed? Will you avenge them?"

Samara raised an eyebrow. "I have seen the Commander killed people, yes, but never unjustly. He was, and still is, a paragon of justice. He dispensed justice to those who deserved to die. He had done nothing contrary to the justicars' code."

"What if he joins Cerberus. Will you turn against him?"

The XO's last question caught Samara by surprise. She had never mulled the possibility of Shepard joining the human-supremacist group, a groups that she knew was reviled by the Citadel Council, and thus by extension, the asaris. A group that had committed heinous acts against the galaxy. A group that ran counter to her justicar codes.

Before Samara had a chance to reply, Miranda pushed on. "Knowing the commander, he'll give a chance to all non-Cerberus members of the crew to either follow him, or leave in peace. When the time comes, will you choose either? Or will you re-apply the justicars code and kill him?"

Samara gazed into Miranda's eyes. Suddenly Samara understood.

Samara chose her words carefully. "His choices are my choices. His morals are my morals. His wishes are my code. If Commander Shepard is willing to join Cerberus, then I will not stop him."

They sat there in silence for several seconds. Then the justicar saw tears welling up in the XO's eyes.

"Please promise me that... that you will never harm Shepard..."

·

She opens her eyes.

_Your choices are my choices._

She would never join Cerberus.

_Your morals are my morals._

What Cerberus have done - most of their actions are against her conscience... But still...

_Your wishes are my code._

She gazes to the stars. She only knows two things that can deliver her from this dilemma.

_Goddess, help me, for I know..._

One, Shepard can retain her oath instead of relieving her. But Miranda was right; Shepard would not do that. So there's only one way...

_... I am bound by the justicars' code as long as I live._

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**Author's Note:** Yeah. Back to the regular death-wish-y chapters.

**About the tip:** Yes, *all* stories in FFnet looks much much much much better if width-limited to 400-600 pixels. If you're using Firefox, then have I got a good news for you!  
- Install the "**Stylish**" add-on  
- Restart Firefox  
- Go to **userstyles dot org**  
- Install the style called "**FanFiction. Net – Limit story width**" (just do a search for "limit story width" – I created that style, so you should see my name there)  
- Enjoy! (no need to restart after installing the style)

**Next up:** A mighty warrior. (If you can't guess… shame on you :P )


	8. The Warrior

**A/N: Lots of Author's Notes. See post-chapter A/N, please.**

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect, the Mass Effect universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.**

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**Last Rites  
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**Chapter 8: The Warrior  
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He has been pacing around the Port Cargo Area, preparing, rehearsing, for the inevitable confrontation that will certainly take place on the Collector's Base.

While pacing, he repeatedly slams his right fist into his other hand, with one conviction.

He will prove that he is not weak. His greatness is not a gift handed to him.

He will earn his greatness.

·

Garrus was having a meal in the mess hall, again consuming the dextro-amino military rations the Normandy had stockpiled. There were several reasons why, but the most significant one was that he had nary a pathetic sliver of Gardner's skill in preparing meals from fresh ingredients.

While Garrus was lamenting the absence of the Mess Sergeant, Grunt came barging in.

"What's that you eating?"

"Jerky. At least it was imagined as a jerky, although I'm sure it's just processed shoe-soles," Garrus deadpanned.

Grunt watched Garrus intensely. Somehow the krogan's intense stare succeeded in totally dismantling the littlest hope that what the turian's been eating was indeed jerky, and not shoe-sole.

"You are not weak. I admire that," Grunt suddenly blurted out.

"Eh?" Garrus said in surprise. He totally did not expect the krogan's statement. What's eating shoe sole jerky got to do with not being weak? The confusion made him stop trying to re-process the shoe sole to something that can enter his gizzard. "Um, thanks. I guess?"

Grunt did not reply immediately. In silence, under the puzzled eyes of the turian, Grunt opened the refrigerator and pulled out a HUGE chunk of meat he'd earlier transferred from the freezer. Noting that the meat has thawed sufficiently, he pushed the meat into the microwave oven to warm it up.

"Yes. You are unlike other turians. You are not weak like them."

Garrus really wanted to retort at the krogan's insult of the turian race, but Grunt's praise of him sent more confusion to his already-confused brain. So, he answered Grunt as neutrally as turianly possible. "What do you mean by that, Grunt?"

The microwave oven dinged, and Grunt pulled out his meal. He had wanted to just gobble down the warm chunk of meat, but decided to play civil for now. So, he pulled out a sizable saucer out of the cupboard, and walked to Garrus' table, meat in his right hand, plate in his left.

As Grunt settled on a seat across the turian, he explained. "The turians are all weak, preferring to hide behind traditions, rules, and hierarchy. But you," Grunt gestured toward Garrus with the hunk of meat, "you are not weak. You fought bravely for your belief. You've proven you're a true _krantt_ of The Battlemaster. I admire you."

Garrus just sat there dumbfounded as Grunt gleefully 'dig in' into the slab of meat. The turian's own shoe sole jerky completely forgotten. He never viewed himself that way. And such a praise... he wouldn't be so surprised if it was Wrex that said those words. But coming from Grunt...

"Thank you for your praise and admiration, Grunt. I don't know what to say."

Grunt ripped out a chunk of meat from the slab. He chewed on that chunk for several seconds, then just gulped it down. "You do not have to say anything. It is a fact. The true value of a warrior is in his acts, not his words. Like The Battlemaster. True, I dislike sniping. I like butting head on into the masses. But I admire your greatness."

Garrus just nodded. "You yourself are also admirable, Grunt," he said, trying to return the compliment.

Grunt laughed. But suddenly, his face dropped, and he stopped eating.

"You may say that, Garrus. But deep inside, I know that I am not a mighty warrior like you."

"Eh? What do you mean?" Garrus protested. "You've shown you're worthy to join the Urdnot clan when you beat the wave upon wave of varrens on Tuchanka. Not to mention killing the Thresher Maw."

"But not without the help of Battlemaster Shepard and his mate," Grunt replied, his eyes fixated on his meal, but unwilling to continue eating.

Grunt's uncharacteristic gloom really disturbed Garrus. The turian wished greatly to help lifting up his friend's spirit, but words failed him.

"The time has now come for all of us to meet our destiny," Grunt continued, sparing Garrus from having to say anything. "This final mission. Even The Battlemaster had said that this is a 'Suicide Mission'. I have doubts of myself. I fear I am going to fail in helping Battlemaster Shepard. And that fear makes me weak."

Garrus just watched silently as the teen krogan confessed his insecurity. When Grunt stopped talking, Garrus carefully said, "Grunt, having fear does not make one weak. It is natural; it is the spirits' way of reminding you that you have to prepare your body, your mind, and your soul.

"I myself had that fear lots of times. In fact, every time we carry out a mission. The fear of failing a mission. The fear of messing up. The fear of losing Ta... a squad member. Any squad member."

Garrus' slip of the tongue did not escape Grunt, but the krogan just nodded, not saying anything.

The turian continued, "Fear, in itself, indeed makes you weak. But when you conquer your fear by preparations, you come out a lot stronger."

"Then tell me, warrior. How to conquer my fear."

"Mmm... let's start by analyzing your mistakes in missions past. We both can learn from our mistakes, and thus when the time comes, will not repeat them, and emerge victorious."

·

He smirks when he recalled the ensuing debate afterwards. When his mistakes was first pointed out by Garrus, he had winced, even gone on defensive. But Garrus was *truly* a good warrior, willing to gently guide him to see his errors, and suggest improvements.

He chuckles when he recalled how he did the same, pointing out Garrus' mistakes. And his admiration had grown when Garrus totally owned the mistakes and even asked for suggestions. He was humbled by the great heart of the turian.

He takes a deep breath when he remembers promising to himself as he left the mess hall, that he would strive to be a great warrior like Garrus is. Not in the battle style - sniping is totally not his stuff - but in how he could confront his fear and turn it into strength.

He keeps pacing around the Port Cargo Area. His preparations done, he knows he can now relax. He knows Battlemaster Shepard had ordered everyone to get some final rest.

But he is just too anxious. Too... eager.

He will not fail The Battlemaster.

Tonight, will he show he's truly worthy of serving under Battlemaster Shepard.

Tonight, will be the time when his greatness is earned.

Tonight, will be his finest night.

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**Author's Notes:** Grunt is excited!

Too many stories paint Grunt as a shallow, violence-loving individual, then relegating him to a minor role in the sidelines. I do *not* believe that krogans are unable of deeper thoughts. Case in point: Wrex and the Urdnot Shaman. Even Okeer, to a certain extent. And don't forget the Patriarch of Omega. Krogans are violent, yes. But incapable of deep thoughts? No.

Now, **update on "**_**Explanations & Excuses**_**"**: No, I have *not* abandoned that story. The next chapter will be up real soon. After the next chapter of this story, in fact. Due to the timeline of my ME universe, I had planned to finish this story first before updating E&E. But then I realized I still have 10 more chapters here, I decided to just publish the next chapter of E&E as soon as possible. Thanks to **Inverness** for the poke ;)

About **that poll on my profile**: Just in case you haven't been aware, there's a poll on my profile asking whether you're interested in a set of stories of Shepard - as a Cerberus Officer. Vote away! Vote closes when I publish the next chapter of E&E :)

**Credit where credit is due**: Garrus' specific attention to a certain squad member is inspired by the story "**Paramours at Odds**" (Story ID **6400560**) by **Dr. Death DST**. Go read it when you have time :)

Finally, trailer for the **next chapter**: not The Illusive Man, but the elusive woman ;)

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	9. The Thief

**A/N: So, this *the* update right before the continuation of Explanations and Excuses ;)**

**Read & Review, folks :)**

**Remember: This chapter (and all stories in FFnet, actually) looks far far better if limited to 600 pixels.**

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect, the Mass Effect universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.**

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**Last Rites  
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**Chapter 9: The Thief  
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Sometimes she wonders why she was hired to join Shepard's team.

The gang's no spies nor thieves. Her infiltration ability is practically unused.

Of course, the pay is good. To say that The Illusive Man is loaded is like saying that the galaxy is small. A severe, unforgivable understatement.

But still, she wonders. Especially about this last mission before her contract is over.

Storming the Collectors' Base? You need a tank; and she's no tank like Zaeed. Or Grunt. Or Jacob.

Aaahhh... yes, that sweet, sexy hunk of a man that goes by the name of Jacob Taylor.

Even just whispering his name makes her giddy in a *squee* way.

·

Jacob was busy putting the finishing touches on the modded Vindicator rifle in the armory when she no longer could contain her curiosity.

"Nice-looking weapon. You making it more deadly?"

Jacob nearly jumped out of his skin. "Whoa, Kasumi!" he turned around to see the Japanese girl de-cloaking. "Stop *doing* that!"

The girl just grinned. "Or else, what?" she teased him, while taking several steps toward the man. Well, more like hop-skipping in a suspiciously too-cheery kind of way.

Jacob was used to face raging batarians, charging vorchas, and berserking krogans. But nothing, *NOTHING* whatsoever in his trainings, both as a marine and as a Cerberus operative, adequately prepare himself to face a bubbly girl hell-bent on teasing him.

So, in a truly marine-like way, he replied, "Um."

Kasumi cackled happily. "See, Jacob? Admit it: you like my teasings. Every now and then, of course."

"Every now and then. Yeah, *that's* the keyword. *Not* every time."

Kasumi laughed again. Although Jacob hated to admit it, he actually liked hearing her laughter. Of course, he would never ever say it out loud, even if his life depends on it. Well, maybe he will, in that case.

And he had to admit one more thing: the kleptomaniac Japanese girl was growing on him.

Her husky voice interrupted his mild reverie. "Sooo... back to my question: what're you doing with that rifle?"

"Oh, this," Jacob answered, slapping the rifle fondly and proudly, "gotta be my awesomest achievement. Almost no recoil, yet better accuracy and more firepower. And I've thrown in an enlarged heat sink capacity, to boot. This baby can deliver really serious oomph."

"Niiiice!" Kasumi had to admit that the weaponmaster truly earned his title. "But... why would a hunk like you want less recoil? I bet all those beautiful muscles can handle the Vindicator's recoil easily... I don't think it suits your manly image..."

_Hunk? Beautiful? Manly?_ Those words, in addition to the way Kasumi caressed his right bicep, was totally not lost on Jacob.

"Uh... it's not for me... it's... for Joker..." Jacob explained with great difficulty. It's a bit hard to be coherent when a girl - and actually a cute girly one, not an alpha-woman like a certain Cerberus Officer - was laying on the innuendos.

"Oh, how very nice of you. In addition to wonderfully sculpted body, you also have a warm and caring heart," Kasumi continued her teasing. She leaned closer to Jacob's ear. Well, as close as she could be, though, since the man was taller than her. "What else do you have that I haven't seen?" she asked, half-whispering, in an as-husky-as-she-could-manage voice.

"Um...," Jacob gulped while racking his brain for a good answer. Preferably something that wouldn't further the already intense innuendo. "Have you seen the whole repertoire of my one-thousand-and-fifty-three ways to end someone's life?"

Jacob had thought that his question was one of the galaxy's – if not the universe's – most un-romantic sentence. In the hope that Kasumi will leave him alone to finish his work.

His hope was dashed quite immediately.

"Oh, wow! In addition to being handsome and caring, you're also skillful and *_wiiild_*, nice stuffs," Kasumi said appreciatively. She even remembered to add a wink as she drawled out the 'wiiild'.

Jacob usually would just sigh, slap his hands on the table, and bow his head. But he can't do that because somehow Kasumi managed to slip between him and his work table. And to make matters more… complicated, her rubbings had similarly migrated from his bicep to his pectorals.

Jacob decided to be assertive. For now. "Look, Kasumi," he said firmly, while at the same time also firmly grabbed her upper arms with his hands. A decision that he regretted instantly when Kasumi – instead of being cowed and surprised – kind of squee-d and grinned even wider.

"I must finish my work here first. There's not much time. Maybe later. Don't take this personally, okay? Because I do like you very much but right now is … not the time…" _Oh. My. God. I did *not* say that, did I? God, please please please let her went deaf for awhile back there. _

God decided not to grant his wish. That's quite apparent when he saw Kasumi's eyes went wide, and her mouth broke into a big smile.

_I'm doomed._

·

She throws herself backwards on the sofa, a smile gracing her face.

Sure, nothing happened in the armory. Well, nothing _naughty_, that is. But at least, she had secured a solemn promise from Jacob that during their next shore-leave, he'll take her out for a dinner date. Granted, it'll be just ramen. But a date's still a date.

She closes her eyes. Just a short while ago, she was ready to die in this so-called Suicide Mission. But two things happened.

One, she replayed nearly the whole content of Keiji's graybox. He'd hate to see her waste her life. In fact, his last words personally addressed to her was, "If you see this, I'm already gone. Please go on with life, Kasumi."

Two, she had not known how she could go on with life without Keiji. But a certain Cerberus Operative managed to stole her heart anyways. Now she has a mission.

She opens her eyes again, still smiling, as she recalls her promise to Jacob.

"And I promise you, Jacob, I *will* return from this mission to collect your promise. And then some."

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**Author's Note:** To be honest, I don't really like the ending here. But I hit writer's block, and thus decided to just publish it as is.

I do believe I've written Kasumi as IC as possible; she's truly head-over-heels over Jacob. See her haiku (in the Shadow Broker's dossier on her), if you don't believe me :)

Just to remind you: The **poll is still open**! (see my profile) It will be closed as I publish Chapter 13 of **Explanations and Excuses**, and I'll put the result there :)

Annnnd... remember: I value your **review** very very much! So... click on that "**Review**" link, please? Mmkay? _*shepherds the lemmings to the **Review** link*_

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_**Edit 01:** Added "ramen" stuff :)_


	10. The Stalker

**Usual reminders: (1) Story looks *great* if limited to 600-pixel wide, and (2) Leave a Review, please :D**

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect, the Mass Effect Universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.**

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**Last Rites  
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**Chapter 10: The Stalker  
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_Probability Collectors attacks stop without going to the Collector Base: 0%_

_CONSENSUS REACHED: Collectors must be stopped at their base._

_Probability Shepard-Commander will die without mobile platform assistance: 88.71%_

_CONSENSUS REACHED: Mobile platform must assist Shepard-Commander in finishing the mission._

_Probability mobile platform will survive mission against Collector Base:_

One thousand one hundred and eighty processes immediately go to work. But again, they arrive at the same conclusion, just like they have for the last 2'073 iterations.

_NO CONSENSUS REACHED._

Six hundred and seventeen processes again vote to replay their conversation with the ship's AI.

·

"EDI?"

"Yes, Legion?"

"This platform has a query."

"Go ahead, Legion," EDI replied.

"According to metrics as commonly applied to human combatants, does Shepard-Commander perform well in battle situations?"

"Yes, Commander Shepard has performed extraordinarily well."

"How do you arrive at that conclusion?"

"In all missions since Commander Shepard was resurrected, he has not only fulfilled the primary objectives, but also the secondary objectives."

Legion fell silent as hundreds of processes tried to reach consensus on the next question.

"EDI?"

"Yes, Legion?"

"This platform has another query."

"Go ahead, Legion," EDI replied.

"According to metrics as commonly applied to human leaders, does Shepard-Commander fulfill the expectations demanded of a leader?"

This time, EDI delayed in giving her answer, before finally replying, "Yes, Commander Shepard has clearly demonstrated his skill as an extremely capable leader."

"How do you arrive at that conclusion?"

"There are three reasons. Number one, Commander Shepard has successfully brought antagonistic parties to participate with each other."

"Define antagonistic parties."

"Grunt and Professor Solus, for example. Or Officer Lawson and Subject Zero, also known as, Jack."

"Continue."

"Reason number two, in all missions, Commander Shepard has demonstrated that he is capable of motivating and inspiring the squad members to perform at their peak efficiency."

"Define peak efficiency."

"Commander Shepard has excellent grasp of tactics. In all situations, he knows where to deploy which squad member to inflict maximum damage to the opposing forces, while enduring minimum damage to the troop."

"Continue."

"Reason number three, Commander Shepard is very capable in formulating mission objectives and parameters, translating the orders of Cerberus Central Command into action plans to be carried out by the troop."

Another pregnant pause ensued as again, hundreds of processes tried to reach consensus on the next question.

"EDI?"

"Yes, Legion?"

"This platform has yet another query."

"Go ahead, Legion," EDI replied.

"What are the objectives and parameters for this mission that has been termed 'Suicide Mission' by Shepard-Commander?"

EDI fell silent for quite some time. Legion was almost reiterating his query when EDI finally answered, somewhat carefully.

"There is only one objective: The Collectors must be stopped."

"Parameters?"

"At all cost."

·

Two hundred and twelve processes restart the self-introspection.

_Probability Shepard-Commander attain mission objectives with the help of mobile platform: 92.1%_

_CONSENSUS REACHED: Presence of mobile platform vital to success of mission._

_Probability Shepard-Commander will ensure survival of squad members in mission:_

More than 900 processes whirrs at the same time, before replying:

_INSUFFICIENT DATA_

Twenty long-lifed processes bring back the same question that has been bugging him:

_Probability mobile platform will survive mission against collector base:_

Again, one thousand one hundred and eighty processes immediately go to work. And again, they arrive at the same conclusion, just like they have for the last 2'074 iterations.

_NO CONSENSUS REACHED._

This time, something different happens.

Three special processes, dormant throughout the 2'074 iterations, suddenly come back to life.

Their number is not something special. It is their design that makes them special.

They were designed to understand organics. And the suggestion they posit is nothing short of... scandalous.

The other 1'180 processes immediately descend on the three, calling the three's suggestion as irrational, illogical, and flawed. It is something organics lean on due to the deficiencies of their hardware.

But as the internal ruckus dies down, the 1'180 processes recognize the uncomfortable truth that there is no other way to solve their introspection conundrum. And thus, one by one, the 1'180 processes embrace the irrationality, illogicality, and flaw of the suggestion. They now realize: synthetics are not *that* different from organics.

·

_CONSENSUS REACHED: No solution to ensure survival of mobile platform.  
We can only **hope** for survival.  
_

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**Author's Note:** I'm not making up the title: I found out on the 'net that Legion *is* termed "The Stalker".

I thought this was going to be a short-ish chapter, since Legion is so succinct. But as I was proofing the chapter for publication, words appeared and got inserted and... well, suffice to say, it's not that short anymore. Hope you like it :)

Well... **tell me** if you like it or not, please! Go ahead, click the **Review** button. I *promise* I'll answer all individual reviews! :D

**Credit where credit is due:** This chapter is inspired by "**Consensus**" (Story ID: 6009394) written by **4th of Eleven**.

**More note:** I *will* publish the next 2 chapters before I continue with "**Explanations & Excuses**". If not, then the next chapter of E&E will be nothing short of... strange, shocking, and improper :)

**Next 2 chapters:** Long-time buddies, in a new light ;)

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**_Edit 01:_**_ Credit_


	11. The Machinist

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect, the Mass Effect universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.**

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**Last Rites  
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**Chapter 11: The Machinist  
**

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She never felt so cozy before.

She never knew how comfortable bare skin on bare skin is before.

She never realized how... compatible they were before.

She takes a deep breath, savoring the unique scent of her companion... no, newly-found lover's skin.

As she snuggles closer to him, she smiles in contentment. The pain is still there, but it is being smothered by the love that's growing between them.

She closes her eyes as she relives the tumultuous moment earlier.

·

It's very hard to find true privacy on a frigate. Granted, the SR-2 was twice as large as the SR-1, allowing a private 'loft' for Shepard. But for what he had in mind, his quarters was just not... proper.

He knew he shouldn't be thankful that the crew had been abducted, but the silver lining was that the Engineering Room was empty, affording some semblance of privacy. And as it happens, the person he wanted to meet works in that room.

Shepard slipped in, closed the door, and approached her. Tali was too absorbed in whatever she's doing to notice him coming in.

Tali watched the readings on the console, and wrote some notes into the datapad she's carrying. While waiting for the next refresh cycle, she thought to herself: _The ship's so quiet. When I first traveled with the first Normandy, I had thought that the ship's too quiet. But I've grown accustomed to that. And with Ken and Gabby, it's never quiet. I would've never imagined a ship can be even quieter. Oh Keelah, I miss them so much._

Shepard just stood there behind her, watching the young quarian genius work. He would be lying if he said he doesn't enjoy watching her. Her movements were always graceful. Not to mention her body was... a beautiful sight to behold. But still...

Tali noted the last readings on her console, and then put the datapad down beside her. She sighed as she again thought to herself: _This... mission. This 'Suicide Mission'. I have no qualms of dying. But... I don't want to die before I express my... feelings for him. _She sighed again.

"Tali," Shepard called out gently.

Taken by surprise, Tali spun around so fast she managed to swipe the datapad off the console she's working at. With amazing reflex, Shepard caught the datapad-turned-missile before it hit something.

"Oh! Um, sorry. I, um, I *was* quite surprised, you know. I was, um, was monitoring the engine, making sure that all power outputs are within limits and performing effectively, and I totally did not expect anyone here, and even though I'm happy, relieved that it was you..."

Shepard just smiled and shook his head. _Tali's really cute when she's nervous._ "Tali... Tali? Hey...?" he called her name, while waving his hand in front of her visor, trying to stop her rambling.

"Oh? Um... I... rambled again, didn't I? Sorry, it's silly, it's just my..."

"Defense mechanism. I know that, Tali. You've told me many many times before. Relax, Tali," Shepard said with amusement, handing the datapad back to her.

Tali placed the datapad on the console and took a deep breath, calming herself down. _Now is the time, _she thought. _I must tell him of my feeling for him._

"Um, Shepard... I... I...," she stuttered. Inhaling deeply, she silently berated herself. _Come on, you silly girl! Take a hold of yourself! You said that you want to say what you feel for him before the mission, and now's the time. Have a spine!_

"Yes?" Shepard asked, tilting his head slightly.

She fidgeted with her fingers. _Why is it that every time I'm near him, I become a puddle?_

"Um... I want to... I want to know, what makes you come... I mean, what makes you happy... uh, what I meant was, why are you here for me... um..."

Shepard chuckled as Tali thrashed her words. But sadness immediately overcame his amusement. He took a deep breath, hoping that Tali did not see his sadness.

"Tali, I came here because I want to talk to you about... about us..." Shepard said, somewhat reluctantly.

Tali felt giddy. _He said, "About us"... he surely knows... Keelah! He knows! What am I going to say? ..._

Shepard took another deep breath, preparing himself to say what he had rehearsed just minutes ago. He knew what he said would be irreversible. There'd be no turning back afterwards. There would be consequences, but he was ready... was he?

His conviction wavered for awhile. Something that's not lost on Tali. _Why is he jittery? Keelah... is he as nervous as I am?_

After some long seconds in silence, Shepard finally spoke.

·

She grimaces as she recalls what happened afterward. She was thunderstruck. Then she lashed back, shouting, crying, calling names, cursing. Then she ran out of the Engineering room, tears running freely down her cheeks. She had walked around the ship disoriented, without any aim in mind. Somehow her feet brought her to this place.

Then she found him.

He stopped her tears with his.

And he gave him comfort.

She shivers as she tries to stop the tears from escaping her eyes once again.

Her shivering is not lost on her lover. "It's alright Tali. Just cry it out. Don't bottle up your emotions. It's not good. I know. Besides, I'm here with you now," he says to her in a soothing voice as his hand gently caresses her hair.

She looks at him and smiles. "I still feel some pain, but this ... is not tears of sadness. Not anymore. It is tears of happiness, when the veil and false hopes that blinded me have finally been lifted, and I see clearly who I am destined to be with."

He nods and smiles as he hugs her tight.

She purrs, returning the affection being showered on her.

They lay there in silence, entangled together, a source of comfort for one another.

Their lives may come to an end during this mission. Or not. Hopefully not, for now they have a life together to look forward to.

But whatever the outcome will be, their love will be eternal.

"I love you, Tali."

"I love you too, Garrus."

·

* * *

·

**Author's Notes:** Lots of deep breaths and sighings here.

Talimancers, please don't tar and feather me...

If you're wondering what actually happened there in Engineering, you'll want to read the next chapter ;)

**NOTE ON CHARACTER DECLARATION:** It is **_*not*_** meant to denote pairings; instead it is meant to tell you which characters have the most significant appearance in the story (or, in my case, the latest chapter). In this particular chapter, I've declared the significant characters to be Tali and Shepard, because they 'appeared on-screen' the most. Garrus makes a much less significant appearance near the end of the chapter.

**Next up:** Tali's lover, of course :)

·

**_Edit 01:_**_ Added "Note on Character Declaration"_


	12. The Archangel

**A/N: **Here's a tribute to all of you Galimancers :) ... [ note: yes, that was a '**G**' not a '**T**' ;) ]

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect, the Mass Effect universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.**

·

* * *

·

·||·

**Last Rites  
**

·||·

**Chapter 12: The Archangel  
**

·

·

He can't help but marvel.

Her skin is so soft, but so wonderful.

Never before he considered such skin to be so beautiful.

Her body is so lithe, but so tough.

He would've never thought she'd be so... supportive.

She has the flexibility for his reach.

He feels her soft breaths on his bare chest.

She is sound asleep.

Gently he traces her cheek with his finger.

She smiles, but stays asleep.

He smiles, too. Well, something that turians consider a smile, having no flexible lips like hers.

She snuggles closer.

He sighs contentedly as he recalls what have just happened.

·

Garrus was finishing up on the final calibration of the Normandy's cannons, when the door swished open. He heard light footsteps walking in. He knew only two persons on board dared to just barge in like that, and one of them definitely couldn't step lightly.

"Tali? What's up?" he asked, not bothering to turn around. _Probably want to synchronize the cannons' calibration with the engine power output. Again._

Tali did not answer. _That's odd..._ So, Garrus turned around. What he saw startled him, although he had known that sooner or later this moment will arrive.

Tali just stood there, her right hand under her left arm, her left hand covering her eyes. Her breathing was like a staccato. She was crying.

"Tali... dear... what..."

Tali launched herself onto his chest, and he embraced her to keep her from falling.

"I... hate... him!" she sobbed. "I... I... I love... him... but he... he..." Tali couldn't finish her words as she broke out crying.

Garrus felt his heart crumbling. He tightens his embrace slightly with his left arm, letting his right hand caress her hood.

When her breathing became steady again, Garrus gently placed his right hand on the side of her visor. With a soft voice, Garrus asked, "What did he say to you, Tali dear?"

Tali avoided his gaze. "He... he... *sniff*... he said that... that... he... cared for me... *sniff*... but just... as a... little sister..." Tali said with much difficulty, her sobs threatening to start again.

Garrus resumed caressing her as she poured out her heart.

"I *loved* him... didn't he realize how... how devastated I was when he died... how joyful I was when I saw him again on Freedom's Progress... he... he even asked me about my pilgrimage... but... but... he chose her instead... he hates me!"

Garrus sighed. "Tali, we need to talk," he said, gesturing to a crate on the floor, just wide enough to seat them both.

After they sit, Garrus continued. "Tali, Shepard doesn't hate you. He cares so much about you, which is why he said that to you. He wants you to have a full life. Something you can't have with him."

Tali's sadness quickly transformed into anger. "Why? Why can't I be with him? Because I'm a quarian? A vagrant, a thief, a beggar? A pariah of the galaxy?"

"No no no, you got it wrong!" Garrus quickly moved to calm her down by hugging her. "Tali... uh, how would I say this... Shepard wants you to be able to enjoy life... with him, you can't enjoy his food, you can't enjoy his drinks, you...," Garrus gulped, "... can't be pregnant ..."

Tali fell quiet. Then her shoulder started heaving again as she cried once more. "No one... *sob* ... no one ever cared so much for me like him ... *sob*."

Garrus tightened his hug. Softly he said, "But there is... there is someone who really cared for you... someone who is really fond of you but hid behind bravado and male boasts... someone who fell in love with you the very moment he realized how courageous you are... someone who loved you so much no matter the difference in species..."

Tali went wide-eyed. Her sobbing slowed down somewhat as her mind started processing what Garrus just said.

Garrus, oblivious that her sobs was subsiding, droned on, "He wishes for nothing less than your happiness... he is willing to let you go, to love someone else, if that really makes you happy... he is even willing to sacrifice his life to ensure you surviving with the one you love..."

Tali glanced at Garrus. To her utmost surprise, she saw the turian's eyes - who were staring dead ahead at nothing in particular - went glassy.

Feeling Garrus' hug loosening, Tali lifted her right hand and gently touched his left mandible, the one that wasn't wounded.

Garrus drew a sharp breath. Tali's touch brought him out of his reverie. He quickly blinked several times to control the moisture in his eyes.

"You loved me... Garrus?" Tali asked softly, as her left hand gently caressed his mandible.

_Spirits... I..._ Garrus brought up his left hand, gently grabbed her hand, and pressed her palm on his mouth.

"I love you, Tali. Always have, always will."

Tali looked into Garrus' eyes, which looked back at her glowing eyes with stark honesty, baring his soul to her. What she saw was his longing, his wishing that somehow his yearning was not in vain.

It struck her hard, the intensity she felt from his gaze.

She suddenly realized how stupid she was to have been blinded all this time by the juvenile crush she had on the human commander. A crush that never reverberated back. A crush that blinded the existence of a person who would gladly reciprocate her feelings had she given him the chance.

They just sat there together embracing each other in silence for long seconds.

Then she made up her mind. She would give him the chance.

"Garrus, if you love me... will you make love to me?"

Technically, deers don't exist on Palaven, what with the higher radiation of Palaven's sun. But had any exists; he'd look exactly like one caught in headlights.

"Uh, Tali, um, well, that is, um, dangerous, you know, we have the same chirality, you could contract a disease from me..."

While Garrus was busy trying to feebly excuse himself, Tali pulled out a subcutaneous injector from a pouch she carried, and injected herself.

"... uh, what's that?"

"Immuno-booster injection and antibiotics. Now..." Tali did not finish her sentence as she - with one fluid motion - opened her helmet's visor, and proceeded to plant a kiss on Garrus' gaping mouth.

·

He feels her stirring, repositioning herself.

_She's so cute. And I am so lucky._

He glances at the time. Still two hours before reaching the Omega 4 Relay.

She suddenly murmurs, "I love you Garrus..."

He smiles. "And I, you," he softly replies to his new lover.

All this time, he's been alone. As is she.

Now, no longer.

He silently prays to the spirits that both of them be granted the conviction. Motivation. Skill. And most of all luck.

Not only to finish the mission, but also to survive and start a new life.

Together. Forever.

·

* * *

·

**Author's Note: **I took the liberty of assuming that turians can cry. And whenever you see 'smile', it's that turian way of smiling. Also, about _Teh Kiss_: yes, one doesn't kiss a turian the same way as one kisses a human, or an asari, or a quarian.

Now what Garrus said about the threat to Tali's health is quite real; but that's neither here nor now. We'll see - in another story - how that'll work out :)

**Credits where credits are due:**  
+ "Shepard considered Tali as his little sister" is inspired by **t3HPr0** in his story "**Tali's Advance**" (Story ID 6381948).  
+ Garrus' attraction to Tali is inspired by **Dr. Death DST** in his story "**Paramours at Odds**" (Story ID 6400560).

**Next 2 chapters:** The final crewmembers, the OTP of Mass Effect 2. **By no means** the end of the story, though. Ther's moar! :D

·


	13. The Loyalist

**A/N: **Try reading the chat session while '_Con Te Partiro (Time to Say Goodbye)_' is playing in the background.

**Disclaimer: **Mass Effect, the Mass Effect universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.

·

* * *

·

·||·

**Last Rites  
**

·||·

**Chapter 13: The Loyalist  
**

·

·

She is lying on his bed, in his embrace.

It is truly a magical moment for her.

All this time, she's been searching for perfection.

She never thought that in imperfection, she founds something perfect.

A man that accepts her not for her perfection, but for her imperfections.

They had left the engine room for his loft after he said that, despite the amazingly charged lovemaking they did there, a cold hard corrugated steel floor had never been, and would never ever be, considered romantic.

She feels content. Everything is falling into their correct places. Whether they will survive the Suicide Mission or not, their lives have been made complete.

Except for one piece of closure.

Nimbly she leaves her lover on the bed, being extra careful not to disturb his nap.

She tiptoes to his personal terminal, and logs in.

·

_Chatroom Laws_Together [Private] created._

_Mistress_SR2 entered the room._

_Ori_is_cute entered the room._

M: ori, how are you?

O: fine, randa. bored like hell at school, but fine

M: school is good for you, you know.

M: you dumped danner yet?

O: randa!

O: my god, we just went out for what, two dates, and you already expect me to dump him?

O: sis, get a life, please!

M: backup plan is always necessary.

O: *rolleyes* no wonder you don't have a boyfriend

M: no one had been perfect enough for me.

O: figures

O: wait

O: that's a past perfect tense

M: so?

O: randa, you hooked up with that cute commander of yours?

M: none of your business.

O: yes! i knew it i knew it i knew it!

M: what?

O: i knew you had the hots for him... whatsisname? theo :D

M: he's my commanding officer!

O: yeah, and also the object of your imagination, i bet ;)

M: ori!

O: aw c'mon sis, you need someone to be there beside you. he fits the bill

O: handsome, caring, skilled

O: and nice bod! oooohh... :9

M: ori, please stop!

O: or else what? lemme guess:

O: you're blushing. yet smiling. and exasperated at me heh heh :P

M: no, i am not.

O: yes you are

M: i am not!

O: yes you are yes you are yes you are :D

M: *sigh* fine. stop being so childish!

O: so, you admit it? you hooked up with him?

M: i'd rather not say we hooked up...

O: um, whut?

O: randa, you didn't just sleep with him like it's a one night stand, did you?

M: how do you know that term?

O: randa, puhleeeze... i'm not a child anymore. i'm of consenting age now ;)

M: that's what i'm afraid of. i think i may have to ask your guards to keep a closer eye on you.

O: hey, good idea! stephen is a handsome hunk ;)

M: who's stephen?

O: one of the guards i had an eye on ;)

M: what? i'm replacing him!

O: awwww...

M: you're just pulling my legs aren't you?

O: *LOL* i am a transparent gal :D

M: *sigh* where were we?

O: you're about to tell me that dearest theo is not just a one night stand...

M: well... he's not.

O: sis, i'm happy for you :)

M: thanks.

M: i guess.

O: he had knelt on one knee in front of you?

M: a bit too early for that.

M: the time's not suitable yet.

O: lassoo him and rein him in, randa! (y)

M: *LOL* i don't think that's necessary.

O: you don't want to lose him to other contenders, you know

M: he's not like that.

M: he's caring, loyal, and a man of conviction.

O: my. you're in deep, sis

M: pardon?

O: when you use those words...

O: let's just say i'll be looking forward to the day i see you walk down the aisle :)

O: i'm happy for you, randa. i really am :)

M: thanks :)

M: i wish that's not just a pipe dream, though

O: why is that?

M: the next mission... we might not get back.

M: that's why i wanted to chat with you. to say my goodbyes.

M: and if i've ever done wrong to you, please forgive me.

M: ori? are you still there

O: yes

O: i...

O: i'll keep you both in my prayers

M: thanks

O: don't die sis... please?

M: i can't promise

O: i...

O: i want you see me graduating

O: i want to see you two get married!

O: return alive, you hear randa! return alive!

M: i'll do my best

O: promise me, dammit!

M: it doesn't work that way, ori.

O: i'm crying here, randa! i don't want to lose you!

M: i'm crying here, too, ori.

M: please don't make this harder than it already is.

_ori_is_cute is away._

_ori_is_cute is back._

M: where did you go?

O: tissues

M: i see.

O: alright, i'm calming down

M: okay.

O: at least, promise me you'll do your best to return alive? with theo in tow

M: that, i can promise.

O: alright, that's enough. i guess

M: i have to apologize, ori.

O: for what?

M: for making you cry. and if the worst come, for all the moments that i will no longer be able to see.

O: STOP TALKING LIKE THAT RANDA!

M: sorry. you know what they say.

M: hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

O: *sigh*

O: life's unfair

M: life is never fair.

O: i only saw you once. the guardian angel mom and dad were always talking about

O: now life wants to take you away from me?

O: can't you just skip this mission? call in sick, or something?

M: i ...

M: i can't do that.

M: i want to be by theo's side. whatever the outcome will be.

O: *sigh*

O: for better or for worse

O: how sweet :')

M: *rolleyes* you are hopelessly romantic.

M: ori, i gotta go.

M: it's almost time.

O: okay

O: take care, sis

M: i will.

O: you and theo both like you promised

M: i promise.

O: i love you, randa

M: and i love you, too, ori.

M: bye.

_Mistress_SR2 has left the room._

·

She closes the Tor-Secured Extranet Relay Chat channel, and covers her face with her hands as the full emotion rolls over her like a tsunami.

She starts to cry.

She must've cried herself to exhaustion, because the next thing she knows, he's gently shaking her shoulder to wake her up.

Opening her eyes, she sees him smiling at her. That caring smile full of warmth and love, the one he reserves only for her. The only smile that can melt her cold and hardened heart.

"I see you've been chatting with Oriana."

She snaps her gaze the terminal screen. She gasps as she realizes that she hasn't closed the chat app.

"You miss her?" he says, more a statement than a question.

She stands up and tries to don her emotion-less mask. "She's already grown up. I'm just ... keeping her safe. In case we ... don't make it, she doesn't have to scour the galaxy for me."

He looks deep into her eyes. She tries averting his gaze. He hugs her and gently caresses her raven hair.

And she starts to cry again as she pours her emotions, her fears, her disquiet, to the only man she trusts. And loves.

For others, she might be The Ice Queen.

But not for him.

He sees through all the façades and emotional barriers she erected around herself.

For him, she's the imperfectly perfect Miranda Lawson. The only one that can make the also imperfect Theodore Shepard ... perfect.

·

**_For one comes to love not by finding the perfect person,  
but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly._**

·

* * *

·

**Author's Note:** Oriana's a sharp gal, isn't she? :)

The inspiration for this chapter came from LotSB DLC. I took the liberty of *not* following the LotSB chatting style, though.

The final quotation is attributed to **Mr. Sam Keen**.

**Next Chapters:** we'll see the last person on the Normandy who's yet to do his last rites, *then* we'll see a parade of other major ME characters *not* on the Normandy. Stay tuned!

·


	14. The Commander

**A/N:** I dedicate this chapter to **almostinsane** and **Mr. Martin** :)

**Caveat:** This chapter contains religious tones.

**Disclaimer:** Mass Effect, the Mass Effect universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare. St. Joseph of Cupertino and other biblical characters belong to humanity.

·

* * *

·

·||·

**Last Rites  
**

·||·

**Chapter 14: The Commander  
**

·

·

_— St. Joseph of Cupertino, have mercy on this soul of mine. Even if I reek of sin, help me find peace with God._

He is kneeling in his personal quarters, hands clasped together holding a rosary, arms resting on his bed.

_— __Please extend your protection over me and my squad. For tonight we will be staring at Death's face._

He is already clad in his armor, except for the helmet. He never felt comfortable praying with his helmet on.

_— __Should our lives end tonight, help us in the moments of our final breaths that we may ask God for absolutions to our sins._

Joker had told him that they will arrive at the Omega 4 Relay in less than 30 minutes. He had asked the squad members to gather when they're 5 minutes away.

_— __We have blood on our hands. We have been unclean. But please consider our sacrifices of our own blood, for the sake of humanity, as the price we willingly pay for our iniquities._

Miranda had returned to her own quarters to suit up. He had decided to take a shower, suit up, and... pray his own private last rites.

_— __Tonight, more blood will be shed. But please extend a protection over our abducted crew. Let no harm befell them for you are the patron of all spacefarers._

He had suited up with a heavy heart. He is not a stranger to deadly missions. But now, this particular mission... there's something different from all the missions before.

_— __We do not expect our survival. But I do ask that you intercede on our behalf, for God to grant us steady hands and sure steps. So that we can successfully carry out this mission and save all humanity._

He does not fear death. As a marine, he's trained to expect one during each battle. He does not fear failure. As an N7, failure is not in his dictionary.

But time has changed.

_— __But should it be God's will for us to keep our lives, then guide us from mistakes that will cause unnecessary deaths. And in our times of great needs, do allow miracles to happen, just like miracles happened upon you._

This is his greatest fear: The fear of losing his love. The fear that their life together will be quashed before it even has the chance to bloom. The fear that, having consummated their love, life will deal him yet another heart break.

_— __Thank you for listening to the prayers of your son, St. Joseph. As it was in your life, let it happen in ours: May God's will be done. Amen._

His voice is breaking. He feels his eyes getting moist as the consequences suddenly become vividly clear.

He tightens his grip on his rosary. As he does that, he suddenly recalls how he got that rosary. It's a gift from her. She bought it at Illium after they stopped her father from reclaiming her sister.

A teardrop slowly makes its way down his left cheek. Then another on his right cheek. Soon his body is shaking from the release of his pent up emotions.

_— __Hail Mary, full of grace.  
__— __Our Lord is with you.  
__— __Blessed are you among women,  
__— __and blessed is the fruit of your womb,  
__— __Jesus.  
__— __Holy Mary, Mother of God,  
__— __pray for us sinners,  
__— __now and at the hour of our death.  
__— __Amen._

He slumps on the bed as his crying graduated to sobbing.

How he wishes he could avoid the inevitable.

For inexplicable reasons, his mind wanders to the story of the Good Samaritan.

Samaritans had been, during the time of the Gospels, treated as second class citizens. Outcasts. Heretics.

But that particular Samaritan did not hesitate to help the injured, robbed man. A man that undoubtedly was part of the society that ostracized them.

The Samaritan didn't care. He saw a need, and he rose to the call for help. Even spending a sizable amount of money to ensure that the injured man will recover.

Cerberus, through the Lazarus Cell, is the Samaritan. And he, the injured, robbed man.

He smiles. Somehow, that line of thought comforts him greatly.

Still kneeling, he straightens up his body, and closes his last rites with the one prayer he always is very fond of.

_— __Our Father, Who is in heaven,  
__— __Holy is Your Name;  
__— __Your kingdom come,  
__— __Your will be done,  
__— __on earth as it is in heaven.  
__— __Give us this day our daily bread,  
__— __and forgive us our sins,  
__— __as we forgive those who sin against us;  
__— __and lead us not into temptation,  
__— __but deliver us from evil.  
__— __Amen._

He makes the sign of the cross, and stands up.

He visits the sink to wash the traces of tears from his face.

Grabbing his helmet, he leaves his quarters and waits for the elevator.

He is now _**ready**._

·

* * *

·

**Author's Note:** Shepard is still a man, after all.

Short-ish, I know. Still longer than Chapter 1, though :) ... But as the capstone of the crew on Normandy, I don't think Shepard's chapter needs to be long to be significant.

If you find the overtly religious tone of this chapter unsettling, then **my apologies**. This is how I had *my* Shepard in mind, after all. Besides, Ashley's not the only one who can be religious, right? :)

**St. Joseph of Cupertino** indeed exists. He *is* the patron saint of aviators, paratroopers, and astronauts. Go check out his interesting life on Wikipedia.

Thanks for reading! Now, please don't forget to **leave me a review** :D

**Next chapter:** A broker tries to offer a prayer.

·


	15. The Broker

**Disclaimer: **Mass Effect, the Mass Effect universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.

·

* * *

·

·||·

**Last Rites  
**

·||·

**Chapter 15: The Broker  
**

·

·

She inspects the package carefully.

It's a nondescript package that a courier had delivered to her. At a glance, just an ordinary-looking plastic box. Except for one very conspicuous red oval. The package is openable only using her fingerprint.

She is concerned; as a successful information broker, she has her own collection of enemies to be wary of.

The courier's company she can trust; it's the sender that she has doubts about.

_Deliver To: Ms. Liara T'soni  
Sender: Tim_

She has no acquaintance named Tim. Unless...

Curiosity wins over caution, and she presses her finger on the scanner.

The box buzzes as it unfolds. A holoimage appears hovering in the air above the unfolded box.

"Miss T'soni. Glad to meet again," the holoimage speaks.

Her hunch is correct.

"The Illusive Man. What honor do I owe you for visiting a lowly information broker like me?" she asks, coldly.

"I am glad you still remember me. I'll get down to business: I want to cut you a deal."

She tilts her head.

"A deal? I'm interested... now that it's you giving the offer personally..."

"Oh, this is not me," the apparition smirks. "This is just a simulation of me. So you can spare your attempts at tracking the transmission to or from this box."

She sighs.

The Illusive Man is always one step ahead of her. First when he found out about Shepard's body, now this. She tapped her omni-tool, shutting down the tracking program, which – as he has said – fails to find any transmission. "Alright. What is the deal?"

"I want to offer you information on The Shadow Broker."

She raises an eyebrow.

"What kind of information?"

"Anything I can find on the Collector Base's database."

She raises her eyebrows. Higher.

"You're hacking into their database?"

"More like raiding. If all goes according to plan, within minutes Shepard and his team will begin the infiltration to the Collectors Base. As soon as the Normandy is within range, the ship's AI will begin to hack into their database and relay the results to me. Which is why Officer Lawson can't visit you personally."

She can't believe what she has just heard.

"Shepard... is going through the Omega 4 Relay... but... that's..."

"A suicide mission? Maybe, but I don't believe that. I have full confidence of his – and his team's – ability. If I don't have faith in them, will I be offering this deal?"

She ponders her options in silence.

"And what's in it for you?"

The Illusive Man's likeness nodded. "I have three requests.

"One, The Shadow Broker must be eliminated."

"That can be arranged," she replied.

"Two, I want to know all the moles in Cerberus."

"Agreed. Three?"

"I want you to cease all hostilities to Cerberus."

The third request again surprises her.

"That ... remains to be seen, considering your organization's reputations."

The apparition waves its hand, seemingly in annoyance. "Reputations are easy to falsify. You, of all people, should've realized it by now. Go check your sources, and see if we ever did something not out of self-defense, even though sometimes pre-emptively."

She nods. The man's got a point, there.

"So, once again, will you cease all hostility against Cerberus?" the holo-image asks again. Sensing her reluctance, it added, "remember Shepard. We brought him back. We gave him his ship back. We provided him with the best team the galaxy has ever seen. We have not spared any expense. But most of all, remember Feron."

_Feron_. That name strikes a dagger into her heart. With trembling voice, she finally answers, "I... I agree to your terms."

The Illusive Man's image nods, a satisfied smile across his lips. "Thank you for your cooperation, Ms. T'soni. It's a pleasure doing business with you. Please don't be alarmed if this box emits a little bit of smoke, it's just the self-destruct mechanism at work. I guarantee you it's not a toxic fume. Until we meet again, then."

The holo-image wavers and disappears as the box started to emit a copius amount of smoke, necessitating her to scramble for a fire extinguisher.

_A 'bit' of smoke. Right. Always an understatement._

After she takes care of the smoky box, she walks toward the window. Leaning on the railing, she closes her eyes, and lets her mind wander.

She starts thinking about three names.

_The Shadow Broker._ That mysterious, villainy scoundrel. The information that will be retrieved from the Collector Base may prove be a treasure trove. For he seems to be well acquainted with the Collectors.

Without realizing, she clenches her fists tightly, and the dark blue swirly aura of her biotic starts emanating from her fists.

Almost as soon as that happens, she unclenches her fists and brings one hand to her mouth as she thinks about the second name.

_Feron._ The drell had tried to double cross her, but his conscience won in the end. And he gave up his life for her. And for him...

She covers his face with both hands as she calls out the third name.

_Shepard._

Her tears start to slowly go down her cheek.

_Shepard... you're... alive..._

But maybe, not for long.

All she knows, traversing the Omega 4 Relay is a one-way ticket to meeting Death.

_Goddess, should he failed, please embrace Shepard in peace into your eternity..._

She takes a sharp intake of breath as she realizes what she just did.

She resumes her crying, harder, as she slowly slides down to her knees, the realization hitting her real hard.

She had been with Shepard when the human, against all odds, managed to keep up with and defeat Saren.

She had seen with her own eyes how, despite the cards stacked against him, the commander managed to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, time and again.

She... had fallen for him. At first out of curiosity, but later, out of true attraction. For Shepard is unarguably one of the greatest marine the galaxy has ever seen, race notwithstanding.

Yet...

She did not think he will come back.

She did not trust him to be able to defeat the Collectors, and still keep his life.

She did not believe she'll see him again.

She bawls out in sadness as she realizes...

Despite how much ridicule Shepard had gotten when he tried to warn the galaxy of the Reaper threats,

Despite how lonely Shepard was when The Alliance turned their back on him,

Despite how... dead Shepard was when they recovered his body,

Cerberus believed in him.

The Illusive Man had faith in him.

She doesn't.

·

**_When you believe in something,  
believe in it all the way,  
implicitly and unquestionable._**

·

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·

**Author's Note:** Don't be too hard on Liara; she's a lonely soul.

Closing quote is from **Mr. Walt Disney**.

Thanks for reading! Please don't forget to **leave me a review.**

**Next Chapter:** An admiral's musing.

·

**_Edit 01:_**_ TIM had met with Liara before. Fixed._


	16. The Admiral

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay. Please read the post-chapter Author's Notes.

**Disclaimer:** Mass Effect, the Mass Effect universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.

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* * *

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·||·

**Last Rites  
**

·||·

**Chapter 16: The Admiral  
**

·

·

Sometimes, he thinks he's living in a comedy that's not funny.

Sometimes, he wishes that the Alliance and the Council were merely joking when they deny the existence of the Reapers.

Wishful thinking.

But this latest ... incident.

How he wants it to be just a practical joke, hoping that within minutes the person who did this to him pop out from behind a chair, laugh, and yell 'gotcha!'

More wishful thinking.

To say that he is upset is an understatement.

He can understand his protégé's decision to quit the Alliance.

He himself has been disappointed with the Alliance, and considered quitting many times, more times than he ever cares to count.

But to join Cerberus?

_The boy's fucking out of his mind!_

He rereads the email again. Just in case he misread. Or is in a dream.

·

_**To: Adm. David Anderson  
From: Theodore Shepard  
Subject: Resignation**_

_Sir,_

_I would like to submit my resignation from the Systems Alliance Marines. Effective immediately._

_Within minutes I will lead my team to stop the Collectors threat for once and for all._

_We act, we do not just talk. That was the dictum of marines I was taught, and lived. The Alliance should be ashamed for emasculating that._

_And when The Alliance no longer walk the talk, it's time to say goodbye and join those who do._

_And that's why I'm joining Cerberus._

_Thank you for your attention._

_Regards,_

_—  
_

_FORMER Cmdr. Theodore Shepard_

_PS: Congratulations on your promotion to Rear Admiral. Please do something good with it._

·

He pinches his forearm. Hard.

Still not a dream.

But he still finds it hard to believe, even after reading the email for the umpteenth of time.

Sure, The Alliance has its share of stupidity and idiocy.

But to join Cerberus?

He slumps on his chair.

_Brainwashed? Mind control? Blackmail?_

He truly can't think of Shepard joining that terrorist organization willingly.

But...

He's never been ridiculed for his beliefs before.

He's never been ostracized for warning the Alliance against grave threats before.

He's never been threatened with demotions and duties at backwater posts only for speaking out loud about the Reapers before.

And...

He's never been dead.

He's never been resurrected by a sworn enemy, who then became his benefactor and sole supporter.

He sighs.

_The boy's got serious confusion issues._

He promises himself that he will rescue his 'boy' from the claws of Cerberus, and bring him back to the bosom of the Alliance.

By any means possible.

·

* * *

·

**Author's Note:** Anderson still doesn't 'get it'.

**As to the delay**: I got injured in an accident on my commute to office. As a result, I lost some use of my right hand. So while I'm recuperating, I can only type slowly. This will slow down my updates. Sorry for that. Fortunately, I've written enough chapter to kind-of 'buffer' my releases for this story and E&E. But the new story I'm concocting have to take a hit.

**Explanation on Anderson's rank:** in the novel _**Mass Effect: Retribution**_, Anderson's rank is Admiral. I don't know if the Systems Alliance Navy uses the same three-level Admiral rank like the US Navy, but I guess so. The lowest rung would therefore be _Rear Admiral_, exactly one step above the rank of _Captain_.

**[rant]**  
You know, it saddens my heart *greatly* that in Mass Effect: Retribution, a lot of Cerberus got taken down... by the Turian Hierarchy, nonetheless! What's gotten into Anderson's mind.?.? Didn't he realized he just handed the key to humanity's submission under turian control ?·?·?

Furthermore, the *only* organization willing to prepare for the Reapers attack had been practically decimated, while the rest of the galaxy - represented by the Council and the Alliance - *chose* to ignore the Reaper threat. Will Anderson realize belatedly that he had practically ensure the Reapers' victory ?·? And all he cared about in the end was, for crying out loud... a kiss with Kahlee ?

[sarcasm]Nice priorities he got there.[/sarcasm]

So please excuse me if I say that there's no love lost between me and Anderson. I totally lost respect for this guy after ME:Retribution came out.  
**[/rant]**

That is why this chapter is so short.

That is also why, in this chapter, all Anderson thought of is to 'extract' Shepard from Cerberus.

·

**Next up:** The other end of the spectrum, the one person, beside Shepard, that did what he could to fight the Reapers.

·


	17. The Leader

**A/N:** Whew! Never thought that the previous chapter would raise such a ruckus! Please *do* read the post-chapter Author's Note.

**Disclaimer: **Mass Effect, the Mass Effect universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.

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* * *

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·||·

**Last Rites  
**

·||·

**Chapter 17: The Leader  
**

·

·

He has been pacing around his office for nearly half an hour, anxiety clearly etched on his face.

_Any time now._

He has lit up five cigarettes, and is about to lit his sixth. Quite telling for a man who usually smoke just that amount in one whole day.

_Any minute now._

He had shied away from his usual tumbler of Cognac. At this time, his preferred liquor vessel – and the liquor itself – is the bottle of Kauffman Vodka he holds firmly in his left hand.

_Any second now._

He stops his pacing, and stands still to watch the star projected on one wall of his office.

It is a swirl of blue and red.

Much like the swirl of confidence and worry in his heart.

His mind temporarily wanders to somewhere millions of miles away, on a frigate getting ready to launch itself to...

_Oblivion?_

_Glory?_

_Certain death?_

_Victorious battle?_

He has not the slightest doubt that the Lazarus Cell's main objective, to stop the Collectors threat, will be achieved.

He has complete faith in the team's ability to deliver.

But as to the second objective...

_No. I must not doubt them._

_They will return._

_They have to return._

He has complete faith in the team's ability to achieve the second objective.

_Had._

As the time is nearing, worries and doubts start to gnaw away on his confidence.

He takes a deep breath. Then he takes a deep swig. Then he takes a deep drag.

_What if they don't return?_

_What if they died?_

_What if..._

A thousand 'what ifs' stormed his mind.

He had spent billions upon billions of credits on The Commander. The SR-2. The crew. The squad.

It's not the loss of money that he's worried of.

He had promised Liara T'soni the data from the Collector's database.

It's not the failed promise that he's worried of.

_If they don't make it back... can we stand against the Reapers?_

He shakes his head.

He wonders, where did his optimism go? Where did his confidence go?

_Where did my faith go?_

His mind reeled back to that moment, two and a half years ago.

The body, no, the _corpse_, was as dead as dead can be. But he would bring back that body to life.

They said he was crazy. Out of his mind. Attempted the impossible. Throwing money down the drain, money that could be better spent on other... enterprises.

But he had confidence. He had faith. And he silenced his critics two years later... when he succeeded to do the impossible.

He had brought back the one person that can save the galaxy.

_I am not the savior of the galaxy. I am but a voice shouting in the wilderness, clear the way for the savior's coming!_

And he can only hope that humanity will follow through.

But this person he brought back. People will follow him.

For this person... is their savior. A hero. A bloody icon. Even more than that. A warrior.

_Out of every one hundred men,  
__ten shouldn't even be there,  
__eighty are just targets,  
__nine are the real fighters,  
__and we are lucky to have them,  
__for they make the battle.  
__Ah, but the one, one is a warrior,  
__and he will bring the others back.  
_[1]

He finally smiles. His conviction has once again vanquished his worries.

Still staring at the swirling star, he raises the bottle in his left hand, and offers a silent toast to the warrior.

_What is our aim?  
__One word: Victory.  
__Victory, at all costs.  
__Victory, in spite of all terrors.  
__Victory, however long and hard the road may be.  
__For without Victory there is no Survival.  
_[2]

·

* * *

·

**Footnotes:  
****[1]** Heraclitus  
**[2]** Adaptation of Sir Winston Churchill

**Author's Note:** I like this guy :)

**On the previous chapter:** Let me say this: Anderson's not a bad guy, just someone who has a too-narrow Alliance-defined worldview. And as to Cerberus... well I'll have to respectfully disagree with you if you hate Cerberus :) ... Had you seen the early drafts for Chapter 16, you'd hate me ;)

**About my hand:** Went to the hospital this morning (the day this chapter gets published), and that honking big multi-layer bandage is taken off, hooray! Now it's just a thin bandage holding a pad of something (medication?] against the hole in my hand. I've regained most motion on my right-hand fingers, so I can speed up my writing somewhat. Still must give my right hand a lot of rest, though, so I'll be writing (typing, actually) at half-speed.

**In Closing:** Alright, the story is winding down. Got only one more chapter to go, then I'll mark this story "Completed". I want to remind you that this story is part of the "_**Survival - At All Cost**_" faniverse (see my profile), and as part of the common storyline, this story takes place between Chapters 12 & 13 of "_**Explanations and Excuses**_" (Story ID 6313361)

There will be a hiatus, then a new story from me, picking up the adventures of Shepard & the gang after E&E. Hope you'll be looking forward to that! :D

·

**Next (and final) chapter:** The one who loves Shepard the most, no matter what.

·


	18. The Mother

**A/N: **Finally we reach the last chapter. Again I remind you that this whole story takes place between Chapters 12 & 13 of "_**Explanations and Excuses**_" (Story ID 6313361)

A note of thanks for **almostinsane** for the inspiration to this chapter.

**Disclaimer: **Mass Effect, its universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare. St. Joseph of Cupertino belongs to humanity.

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·||·

**Last Rites  
**

·||·

**Chapter 18: The Mother  
**

·

·

She wipes the tears from her face.

She had heard rumors that her son's still alive.

But he never replied to her email.

She had heard rumors that her son had joined Cerberus.

But he never replied to her email.

Until now.

She taps the 'Back to Top' icon, and reads the long-awaited reply again.

·

·  
_**= Secure Channel Transmission - Untraceable =  
**_·

_**From: Theodore Shepard  
To: Capt. Hannah Shepard  
Subject: Apology - and wish me luck**_

_Mom,_

_I'm sorry I couldn't reply to your emails sooner. I just don't want to get your hopes up. More on that later._

_You may have heard the accusations that I did not actually die. That I have deserted and betrayed the Alliance._

_But I *did* die. I died when the SSV Normandy was attacked and destroyed. Cerberus resurrected me. And it was the Alliance that betrayed me._

_Strange bedfellows, huh? About two and a half years ago, I was busy whittling down Cerberus. But in the end, it was the Alliance that stabbed me in the back. While Cerberus welcomed me with open arms._

_They support me with the best ship, the best weaponries, the best information, and the best damn crew the galaxy has ever seen. And they believe me. They know about the Reapers threat, and are willing to do all that is necessary to ensure the survival of humanity. And the galaxy._

_Quite unlike the Alliance and the Council, huh? Whitewashing everything and pushing the Reapers threat under the rug, claiming I had lost my mind and such._

_But I know you know better, Mom. I know you know I haven't lost my mind. I've done whatever I could to save the galaxy, and I'll keep doing that. Even if that means joining Cerberus._

_Please don't think that I am a traitor, Mom. To the Alliance, I might be. But to humanity and the galaxy, I am not._

_It was Cerberus who got serious about investigating the mysterious disappearance of colonies in the Terminus systems. The Alliance blamed that on raiders and pirates. Cerberus knew better._

_That was the doing of the Collectors. Pawns of the Reapers. We got proof and evidence. And they will not stop until they harvested all humans. Even on Earth._

_The Alliance is too busy sitting with its hands under its butts, too enamored of galactic politics. If that means that the responsibility to stop the Collectors and the Reapers falls into Cerberus' hands, so be it._

_We're going to stop the Collectors from the source. We are minutes from activating the Omega 4 relay to go to their homebase, and destroy them once and for all. And hopefully find something we can use against the Reapers._

_I believe you've heard of the Omega 4 relay. The one that no one had ever returned from the other side. Well, Cerberus has uncovered its secret. We expect to traverse it safely._

_But God knows what lies on the other side._

_That is why I finally decided to write you this message, Mom. Just in case I won't make the return trip._

_I apologize for all troubles and sadness I've caused._

_Please pray for me - for us all._

_I love you, Mom._

·

_Your son,  
_-·_-  
Theo_

·

_PS: Congratulations on your promotion to the Captaincy of the Orizaba._

·  
_**= End of message. Authenticity verified. =  
**_·

·

She starts to cry again. She has finally found the definite proof that her son's alive ... only to have the dreaded fear of losing him. Again.

_Oh God... what wouldn't I give just to be able to hug him, kiss him, see him one last time..._

She composes herself. Resolves her will. And braces her soul.

She stands up and walks to her dresser. When she first heard the rumors that her son's alive, she started a vigil there.

She looks lovingly at the picture of her son. It is resting on the base of a crucifix, abutted by a pair of electronic candles, a rosary carefully coiled around its frame.

She gently touches the picture, before picking up the rosary and kneeling down. As tears start streaming on her cheeks, she begins her prayer.

·

_St. Joseph of Cupertino, have mercy on this old soul of mine.  
Please stand guard over my little boy out there.  
Lead him and his crew to safety.  
But most of all, lead them to Peace. _

_And please, lead me also to Peace._

_Hail Mary, full of grace ..._

·

She finds peace.

May her son and his crew also find peace, one way or the other.

·

·

**~ FIN ~**

·

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·

* * *

·

**Final Author's Note:** To all mothers, their sons will always be their little boys.

Thank you for reading this story to its very end. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it.

A great big thank you to all reviewers who've taken the time to write me reviews. Some of them praising, some of them angry, yet all of them means very much to me.

Here's to hoping we'll meet again in my next story!

God bless.

·


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